Regions of Loss

Regions of Loss

Calming the busy mind and the troubled heart

play tennis, or a jogger if I can no longer jog? Am I a parent if I’ve lost a child, a physician if I can no longer practice medicine, or a teacher if I can no longer teach? Am I desirable if I’m not young and in the prime of health?

Who am I when I no longer have the things that I’ve identified myself by? Who am I when I can no longer believe in or trust those things I once placed confidence in?

Whenever we lose something of importance, we experience grief. We also experience grief at the loss of those things associated with what was lost. We might truthfully say that we lose a part of who we are when we lose something of great value.

Here’s an exercise. Make a list of a few things you’ve lost. It doesn’t need to be as major as the death of a loved one. For example, it might be your glasses, your purse or wallet, or your computer. Although, losing a computer could be a catastrophic event for some.

Next, make another list of the things associated with what you lost, such as the ability to see, your money and credit cards, or all of the poetry or short stories you’d written, or financial information, or the addresses and phone numbers of all your friends, patients or business associates. These are all losses too.

Notice that the list of things associated with your loss is much greater than the primary loss.

Many of the things we lose are the things by which we identify our self. Am I still a tennis player if I can no longer

“What’s Been Lost: Waiting at the East West Cafe”

Centuries ago, a very wise man said that grief may be defined as our experience of separation and loss, confusion and despair, having to live with the things we detest and to be without the things we long for, and finally, not getting what we want. Grief is a normal physical, psychological, and spiritual response to loss in all aspects of life. In order to heal and be free from grief we must first realize exactly what has been lost, and with each realization, struggle with the endeavor of finding meaning. Then we must experience the pain of that loss. When we are able to hold that pain, and the fear of it leaves us, we are able to integrate the loss into the fabric of our life in such a way as to understand the root cause of grief. Then, only then, is there freedom from grief.

To realize exactly what it is that has been lost it is helpful to understand the aspects of loss. To learn more about the aspects of loss, click on any of the individual links for each of the six aspects. >>